I am not Athena. That is, I did not spring fully formed from someone's head. This has been a difficult realization to come to. Not that I have parthenogenesis envy; sexual reproduction is ok by me (that's...what she said?). No; the issue is completeness. Writing as product makes writing as process nervous. Dionysus and Apollo exchange uneasy glances over the table. The written word, to say nothing of the published, carries authority, which implies finality.
And egads, that's nerve-wracking.
So this little corner of the Internets is my exercise in terror and desire. Terror of inadequacy and failure, desire to grow and contribute. At some point the latter needs to bop the former on the nose and start running for dear life.
I've always been concerned with truth, with finding the right words or ideas. But truth can be a tyrant sometimes. It can seem the exclusive domain of someone else. It can become as unobtainable as it is unimpeachable: in the beginning there was Logos, and it was Good, and that was It. But wisdom and reason, Athena's spheres, are not really fixed points. Wisdom gets in shape by stumbling around a bit first. It's actually pliable and permeable. Logos is squishy.
When someone asked me as a little girl what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say, "A writer, and an actress, and a singer!" As a student of opera performance, I'm working on the latter two. Opera is a kind of Olympian endeavor itself, the superhuman amplification of a human voice in service of the highest drama and most breathtaking music. It's awesome, which is why I'm pursuing it. But then there's that writers' voice. It's been quieter for a while, but it's started flailing its hand in the air to be called on, and it needs a little discipline and structure (or else more Adderall).
Thus, this collection of ephemera. Passing fancies, some longer and more thoughtful than others. Bits of stardust that might spiral into the shape of things to come, or might just sparkle prettily. You can expect to hear about language, music, culture, politics, memes, and little things that I think are neat. And in the course of telling you these things, squishily, with what words I have, I expect to be humbled, challenged, and wrong. I expect to look back on posts a year or two later and cringe. But I expect to have fun, and to carry on, and to contribute to the conversation.
So give me your hands, if we be friends, and I'll show you where the swimming pool is, and pinky swear that this will be a pretty good time.
YES!! Oh, this makes me happy.
ReplyDeleteAnd what a modest, thoughtful first post. Way better than mine, I think -- I'd go back and read it to compare but I think I'd just end up really disappointed in my earlier blog self. Here's to joining the conversation. (I liked Julian's post as well).
I imagine the attention you can give this will be sporadic -- given your copious amounts of free time -- but I'm already looking forward to the next post. And the next. From such a beautiful mind, I expect great things.
Am I the first commenter? I think I am! Double YES! I feel like I claimed some valuable real estate or something. Like Marvin the Martian landing on some empty unassuming planet, "I claim this planet in the name of Mars! Mmm, isn't that lovely? Hmm?" Actually, I think Daffy Duck may have made it there first but whatever.
Aw, thank you so much, Jim! That was a lovely first comment.
ReplyDeleteSome teachings about wisdom that have benefited me, from a very old source:
ReplyDelete"Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Everything is meaningless!"
- Ecclesiastes 12:8
All this I tested by wisdom and I said,
"I am determined to be wise"—
but this was beyond me.
Whatever wisdom may be,
it is far off and most profound—
who can discover it?
So I turned my mind to understand,
to investigate and to search out wisdom and the scheme of things
and to understand the stupidity of wickedness
and the madness of folly.
- Ecclesiastes 7:23-25
16 When I applied my mind to know wisdom and to observe man's labor on earth—his eyes not seeing sleep day or night-
17 then I saw all that God has done. No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, man cannot discover its meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it.
- Ecclesiastes 8:16-17
13 I also saw under the sun this example of wisdom that greatly impressed me:
14 There was once a small city with only a few people in it. And a powerful king came against it, surrounded it and built huge siegeworks against it.
15 Now there lived in that city a man poor but wise, and he saved the city by his wisdom. But nobody remembered that poor man.
16 So I said, "Wisdom is better than strength." But the poor man's wisdom is despised, and his words are no longer heeded.
17 The quiet words of the wise are more to be heeded than the shouts of a ruler of fools.
- Ecclesiastes 9:13-17
However many years a man may live,
let him enjoy them all.
But let him remember the days of darkness,
for they will be many.
Everything to come is meaningless.
- Ecclesiastes 11:8
[15] Whoso giveth ear unto [wisdom] shall judge the nations: and he that attendeth unto her shall dwell securely.
[16] If a man commit himself unto her, he shall inherit her; and his generation shall hold her in possession.
[17] For at the first she will walk with him by crooked ways, and bring fear and dread upon him, and torment him with her discipline, until she may trust his soul, and try him by her laws.
[18] Then will she return the straight way unto him, and comfort him, and shew him her secrets.
[19] But if he go wrong, she will forsake him, and give him over to his own ruin.
- Ecclesiasticus 5:15-19
[18] My son, gather instruction from thy youth up: so shalt thou find wisdom till thine old age.
[19] Come unto her as one that ploweth and soweth, and wait for her good fruits: for thou shalt not toil much in labouring about her, but thou shalt eat of her fruits right soon.
[20] She is very unpleasant to the unlearned: he that is without understanding will not remain with her.
[21] She will lie upon him as a mighty stone of trial; and he will cast her from him ere it be long.
[22] For wisdom is according to her name, and she is not manifest unto many.
[23] Give ear, my son, receive my advice, and refuse not my counsel,
[24] And put thy feet into her fetters, and thy neck into her chain.
[25] Bow down thy shoulder, and bear her, and be not grieved with her bonds.
[26] Come unto her with thy whole heart, and keep her ways with all thy power.
[27] Search, and seek, and she shall be made known unto thee: and when thou hast got hold of her, let her not go.
[28] For at the last thou shalt find her rest, and that shall be turned to thy joy.
[29] Then shall her fetters be a strong defence for thee, and her chains a robe of glory.
[30] For there is a golden ornament upon her, and her bands are purple lace.
[31] Thou shalt put her on as a robe of honour, and shalt put her about thee as a crown of joy.
[32] My son, if thou wilt, thou shalt be taught: and if thou wilt apply thy mind, thou shalt be prudent.
[33] If thou love to hear, thou shalt receive understanding: and if thou bow thine ear, thou shalt be wise,
[34] Stand in the multitude of the elders; and cleave unto him that is wise.
- Ecclesiasticus 6:18-34